Posehn, Duggan, Koblish, Hawthorne
Back in the 1980‘s, Peter Parker is at the Bugle while Jonah is arguing with everyone over what stories are worthy of being printed. Everyone is ignoring Parker’s ideas about Oscorp being corrupt. Jonah sends him to get pictures of Spiderman. Parker goes outside where he sees Flash park in a handicap spot. Flash ignores Parker trying to convince him not to park there. Deadpool comes and steals Flash’s car. Parker lets it happen and suddenly wonders if his Uncle Ben will be shot again because he ignored a criminal. While changing the radio station, Deadpool almost runs over the Power Pack. A demon, Vetis, jumps into the car with him. As they drive, the demon offers Deadpool a contract. He wants Deadpool to get Iron Man back to drinking. Deadpool asks to get in on the ground floor of laser discs (make them bigger so they don’t have to be flipped halfway through). If Deadpool doesn’t complete his task, he forfeits his soul to Vetis. Deadpool asks why the demon is collecting souls and he explains that he spreads his powers through the empty human vessels to keep from being noticed by higher level demons. Deadpool goes to the liquor store to get alcohol and finds a man has killed the clerk and is robbing the place. He kills the man and leaves him rather than taking him to jail. Deadpool leaves with liquor. He finds Tony Stark through the hole he left in the wall. Tony is hung over and still has parts of his Iron Man suit on. Deadpool suddenly realizes he made a mistake. Tony and Deadpool pour out all of the liquor. There is a news bulletin about a nuclear factory in trouble. Deadpool knocks Tony out to keep him from going. Deadpool steals the Ironman suit and drinks the alcohol to go help. He passes up a robbery thinking it is part of a movie being made. He gets to the power plant and the workers explain they need to cool the fuel rods to keep from exploding. Deadpool throws them in the ocean. Later, Tony Stark scolds Deadpool for polluting the ocean. Vetis appears to claim Deadpool’s soul. Deadpool points out their contract said he had to get Iron Man drunk, not Tony Stark. He held up his end of the contract by getting drunk while he was saving the nuclear plant in the Iron Man suit. A higher up demon comes to claim Vetis. A large man comes to take Deadpool to the future to stop Señor Sinister (Mr. Sinister’s brother from Mexico).
Deadpool throws a party in his head to welcome Preston. She tastes chocolate and Deadpool reveals he stole ice cream from an ice cream truck. He takes her to go see her son, Jeff, and Deadpool tells him he will get his mom back to him. Preston’s husband, Shane, finds Deadpool in his son’s room and shoots him with a shotgun. Deadpool starts to drive away in the ice cream truck when Vetis shows up. He tells Deadpool he has to kill four people on his list or he will kill Michael (one of the first souls he took). Deadpool meets with Benjamin Franklin and Michael in NYC. Michael tells them he made the deal with Vetis because he was about to be kicked out of SHIELD because he lacked the magic needed to stay in their program. Franklin points out his power came from evil and that is probably why his attempt to raise the presidents failed. He knows of a book written by an old wizard that might be able to help them get Preston into a new body. Deadpool plans to work on his list to get the body to put her into. Deadpool goes to New Jersey to kill Corrado, the first name on his list. Corrado traded his soul to be invulnerable as long as he is breathing. Preston tries to convince Deadpool there is another way, but Deadpool ignores her. He pours liquid metal over Corrado’s head to kill him. A girl asks Deadpool to walk her home because she is being followed. Deadpool flirts with her, which give the men time to knock him out. They take pieces of organs and blood and then leave.
While Deadpool is knocked out, Preston wonders through his head a bit. She is surprised at how he sees himself. Deadpool wakes up to find a bum poking him with a stick. He throws some change to get rid of him. Michael and Franklin appear to tell them the island where the book they need is buried has been built on. They have to get into Rykers to get the book. Deadpool has Michael expose himself to two cops. He is tasered and arrested. Deadpool arrives in his cell with Franklin and offers to blow a whole into the ground to get to the ancient one’s library. Michael decides to creates a mind-line for Franklin to use. Once they are all in the library, they start searching for the book they need. The portrait of the ancient one watches them. Deadpool gets bored and decides to go after someone else on his list. Michael is worried Vetis will come after him while Deadpool is gone. Deadpool points out the demon is going to come after him no matter what. He goes to the Asbury Park and lures a man named Artie into the ocean by pretending to drown. Deadpool tries to drown him, but the man seems to be able to breath underwater. Artie says he has summoned sea life to come after Deadpool. Two sharks arrive and start chewing Deadpool up. He is drowning when Artie saves him. As Artie is swimming them both back to shore, Deadpool kills him. Vetis shows up and takes the power he stored from Artie’s corpse. He plans on saving up so that he can defeat Mephisto. After he leaves, he tells Michael to make a deal with Mephisto, his soul for Vetis’ plan. Michael explains he doesn’t have the ability to do it, so Deadpool tells him he is going to kill him before Vetis can. Preston tries to stop him, but Deadpool is still able to slit Michael’s throat.
Benjamin Franklin leaves Deadpool thinking his spectating is only encouraging his dreadful behavior. Michael is in the line to get into hell and calls out to Mephisto for a parley. The demon controlling the line comes to find out what the disturbance is. Michael tells him he has a secret for Mephisto. When he refuses to tell the demon the secret, the demon eats him. Deadpool scales a building to get to the next name on his list Daniel Gump who has precognitive powers. When he gets to the top he is unexpectedly knocked off. Spider-Man catches him with his web and takes him back up the building. He tells Deadpool the pre-cog has been killing people and needs to be stopped. There are guards on top of the building that Deadpool and Spider-Man easily defeat. Gump has explosives attached to him. Deadpool wants to shoot him, but if he does, Gump will release the switch and detonate. Knowing that Spider-Man will use his webbing to keep Gump’s hand closed around the switch, Gump calls in his reinforcements: Chance, the Trapster (Paste Pot Pete), Taskmaster, and Lady Stilt Man. Taskmaster asks Deadpool to take him out of the fight, but to avoid his face. Spider-Man fights Lady Stilt Man. The Trapster goes after Deadpool, not knowing that he has gotten his healing abilities back. Deadpool punches him in the chin and the Trapster bites off the tip of his tongue. Deadpool shoots his paste hose and paste goes everywhere. Lady Stilt takes Gump away. Deadpool takes Spider-Man’s web slinger and takes off after Gump. He catches up quickly and shoots web over Gump's mouth so he can’t tell Lady Stilt Man what is going to happen next. Deadpool hits her in the back and they all land on a roof. Deadpool uses magnetized thermite to melt the stilts and then kills Gump with his sword. Spider-Man arrives and knocks Deadpool out to tie him up with the rest of the criminals. He swears he will make Deadpool sorry if he ever sees him again. Deadpool pulls out a torch to cut through the webbing.
Deadpool goes to make dinner for Preston’s husband and son (now both named Terrence instead of Shane and Jeff). Agent Adsit arrives and they tell him Preston is inside Deadpool’s head. Franklin shows up and they start brainstorming how to get Preston into a new body. Michael talks to Mephisto, who has his soul, and tells him about Vetis storing power in humans to plan for his attack. Mephisto takes Michael to face the parole board. Deadpool goes after the next person on the list. Preston sees that he is following Luke Cage. They spy on him and Jessica, but Jessica quickly realizes Luke isn’t himself. She punches him and he becomes Bobby “the Blender” Tisdell. Deadpool goes in to grab him, but Bobby transforms into Black Widow and escapes out the window. Deadpool complements Jessica on regaining her figure after having a kid and then goes after him. The Blender transforms into different women to get help from men in his escape. Eventually, Deadpool runs into Daredevil. He thinks it is the shapeshifter, but quickly learns it really is Daredevil. Deadpool ends up tied up and the Blender is getting away. He frees and arm and shoots a bystander in the leg to distract Daredevil so he can get away. He chases down the Blender and kills him while he is still looking like a cheerleader. The people around him are disgusted even after Bobby takes his original form. Vetis arrives to collect the power stored in Bobby. He plans to go after Michael next, but Deadpool explains that he already killed him. Vetis is furious because Michael was the most powerful one.
Vetis uses the powers he collected to fight Deadpool. He switches between Avengers, X-Men, and other heroes until Deadpool is ready to give up. Deadpool saves three people (2 kids) in by trying to keep them out of Vetis’ way. Michael arrives and tells Deadpool to stop fighting. After looking into the future, Vetis sees that Michael won’t do anything to him. Michael explains that Deadpool did kill him and he is now back. Mephisto arrives, but Vetis cuts off his head. Michael creates an opening and Deadpool is able to attack from behind and rip out Vetis’ heart, which he gives to Mephisto to eat. The demon leader of hell takes them all inside Deadpool’s head so he can offer Preston a new body. She turns him down, and Mephisto turns to Deadpool and asks about evicting her before she gets to the closed off area of his brain. Deadpool isn’t willing to deal with Mephisto either and they all promise to help Preston get out of there. Deadpool knocks down the barrier to the closed off part of his brain and finds that it is missing. Michael confirms that someone has messed with his memories. Deadpool is starting to remember the experiments that were done to him and that they haven’t stopped. He remembers parts of him being taken when they were in New Jersey.