Posehn, Duggan, Moore
Michael, a necromancer in a kilt (who also has a SHIELD logo with an eye inside a pyramid on his sleeve) decides the USA needs the presidents of the past to bring America back to its former glory. Captain America arrives just as Harry Truman is summoned. Michael can’t send Truman back and vanishes. Captain America is left to dead with the dead president bent on destroying the world. Back at SHIELD, Agent Gorman points out that the American people don’t need to see Captain America decapitating a US president. He tells Agent Emily Preston to clear it up as quietly as possible without involving the Avengers. Another agent comes to tell her FDR is attacking Manhattan. Deadpool and Thor are teamed up to take out some sort of giant lizard in NYC. Thor is embarrassed that Deadpool just bursts right through he creatures chest and starts punning. A police officer tries to get Deadpool medical attention, but Deadpool points out his new immune system (thanks to the Canadian government) allows him to survive anything (though left him mutilated). FDR wheels up talking about cleaning up the city. Deadpool shots FDR, but it doesn’t seem to have any affect. FDR uses his wheelchair to ram them both into the subway. Deadpool throws him into a train. Agent Preston’s team team arrives. FDR comes back, but Deadpool finishes him off with a sword through his chest. Preston offers Deadpool a job taking out dead presidents because he is the scum they need to do it. He goes to Liberty Hill and finds the former presidents gathered. Abraham Lincoln shoots him through the eye from behind. George Washington calls for all of the former presidents to come together, destroy the country, and start over. They all agree.
Wade Wilson (Deadpool) dreams about lying on the beach with some of Marvel’s female heroes fighting for his attention until Benjamin Franklin wakes him up. Deadpool stabs him with his sword. Franklin explains he is just dead, not undead, and the only way to stop his former colleagues is to coral the magic that was used to summon them. Washington and Kennedy have the necromancer and are trying to get him to raise an army for them. He tries to run away from them and turns himself invisible using his book, but the presidents grab an elderly couple as hostages. They let them go when the necromancer agrees to do what they ask. Franklin tells Deadpool he really wants to help him. Preston calls to check on the situation. He tells her he lost the undead presidents, but Franklin is there to help. No one is able to see him but Deadpool. They get a call that Teddy Roosevelt is big game hunting in the Los Angeles Zoo and are preparing to send Deadpool there. When he arrives, Teddy is killing animals. After Deadpool shoots him in the head, he punches him onto an elephant’s tusk. Teddy shoots at them both and only grazes the elephant’s ear. The elephant grabs Teddy and Franklin tells Deadpool to use a large amount of electricity to take out the undead presidents. Deadpool grabs a high voltage wire and tells the elephant to let go. It keeps hold of Teddy and they both fry when Deadpool uses the wire. Preston thinks they need to get some help. They return to Manhattan to recruit Dr. Strange.
Dr. Strange tells them he has more important things to worry about than the undead presidents. He shows them what they are currently up to and agrees to locate them. He finds the necromancer and teleports them to him. Washington, Lincoln, and Ford, are in a dentists office to get new teeth for Washington. Dr. Strange grabs the necromancer and leaves immediately. Once on the astral plan, the necromancer shows Dr. Strange how as a kid he brought his hamster back to life just by wishing it so. Dr. Strange is impressed with the talent, but scolds him for his lack of effort at learning about the trade before using magic. The Necromancer explains SHIELD recruited him right out of college. While Deadpool is fighting Lincoln, Washington, and Ford to allow Agent Preston to get away, Reinforcements arrive. The undead presidents trap Deadpool in a crushed car and Washington sticks his sword through him. The only reinforcement that arrives is Nixon, who decides he is going to stay at Watergate rather than leave with the others. Ford trips and kills himself with the helicopter blades. Dr. Strange takes Washington’s sword from Deadpool and leaves. Deadpool fights off Nixon until Dr. Strange with the sword enhanced to kill the undead presidents. Deadpool kills Nixon with it. Dr. Strange whispers to Deadpool something strange he noticed about him back in New York.
Deadpool dresses up like Marilyn Monroe to get close enough to JFK to kill him with Washington’s sword. He Also takes out the mercenaries that were helping him. Back on the SHIELD Helicarrier, Agent Preston gets word Polk, Tyler, and a few other presidents knocked down the Bay Bridge in San Fransisco. Deadpool arrives at the Golden Gate Bridge and quickly kills off the 10th through 13th Presidents of the USA (John Tyler, James Polk, Zachary Taylor, Filmore). He breaks his legs jumping onto a SHIELD plane. By the time they arrive at the Hoover Damn, Deadpool’s legs are healed. Hoover (31st), Calvin Coolidge (30th), Warren Harding (29th), and Buchanan (15th) are there to blow up the damn. Deadpool quickly slices Coolidge in half to end his argument with Hoover about who would push the plunger on the explosives. As the presidents try to escape, Deadpool stuffs their truck with the explosives and uses the explosion to get himself to Preston’s plane. She sends him to San Onofre, a nuclear power plant, to deal with Abraham Lincoln, John Adams, and John Quincy Adams. Deadpool kills his way through several more presidents before Lincoln shoots him in the head again. As they get away on a helicopter, Deadpool throws his phone onto it. Meanwhile, Preston isn’t buying Michael’s story. Franklin goes into his interrogation room and tells him so. Michael tells them to look up Gorman, a handle on Fury’s secret magic school, in Nick Fury’s files. Agent Adsit comes to tell her Deadpool’s phone was tracked to Vegas. Lincoln goes into an arena and hops into a boxing ring to take on the reigning champ and kill everyone there. Deadpool gets himself into the ring to distract Lincoln while Preston and the other SHIELD agents evacuate the place. Deadpool says no weapons, but goes back on his word to decapitate Lincoln. Taft comes in through the ceiling in a bath tub and grabs Lincoln and leaves the same way. Meanwhile, there is another dead president on a Russian space ship heading to the international space station
A boy comes up to tell Deadpool he is his favorited masked hero. Deadpool gives him his bloody mask. Michael got out of containment and comes to tell them Reagan is in space. He thinks he can send Deadpool there using Reagan as a reference, but won’t be able to bring him back. Deadpool agrees to go hoping Preston will be able to get a ship up to him afterwards. On the space station, Deadpool ends up in a room full of caged monkeys. He tries to open a door and ends up opening up the cages. President Reagan has already set up the missiles to launch at the US. Deadpool finds him and the man-eating monkeys follow. Reagan throws the controls at Deadpool so he can’t stop the launch. Deadpool attacks with his sword, but Reagan is able to get it stuck in the wall. He pulls out his guns and shoots several holes in the wall. Reagan is sucked out a hole and into space. Deadpool is able to use spare parts from the emergency kit to make something to launch him back to earth. On the helicarrier, Preston is happy with the job Deadpool did. Michael tells them he is waiting for the next time Washington uses dark magic so he can locate him. Suddenly, Washington arrives with Michael’s book and Lyndon Johnson. Johnson stops Deadpool from using Washington’s sword on him, so Deadpool uses his guns. Washington grabs Agent Preston and breaks her neck. Deadpool is furious one of his only friends was just killed. He attacks, but Washington slices him and blood goes everywhere. Michael teleports him and Preston out of there. Washington has his sword back.
Deadpool wakes up in Washington DC. Michael tells him Preston is dead and Washington has raised an army. A SHIELD agent points out a dome of energy they have failed to breach. Michael says he got the book from a demon and since Washington is undead, he was able to unlock more of its secrets. Taft returns in his bathtub with Lincoln’s head on a rubber ducky. Agent Adsit shows up in a mech and blows him away. He sends Deadpool to the dome to get Washington, Eisenhower, and Hayes while he goes after Wilson and Garfield. The remaining presidents were killed in Manhattan trying to get through traffic and East Los Angeles by a gang. Deadpool walks into the dome and falls down dead. A woman reaches out to him. He wakes up and feels fine. Washington kills his companions and takes their power. Deadpool uses his swords to cut off Washington’s limbs and then head. Washington is suddenly his old self and apologizes for the problems he has caused his great country. He kicks the head to the Lincoln memorial. Agent Gorman is furious the job was so messy and blames Deadpool for all the damage. The Avengers show up and congratulate Deadpool on a job well done and take off so they don’t have to hang out with him. Gorman still refuses to pay Deadpool what he is owed for completing the job. Michael tried to bring back Preston and ended up putting her in Deadpool’s head with him.